I still believe it.

29 November, 2015


I'm here in New York City writing a book called Anything Can Happen, but sometimes I ask myself do I actually believe it? I'm also writing a mentoring program encouraging you to dream BIG, but then I have moments when I think... does dreaming big really work? Am I crazy living this life and trying to encourage the world? 

I'm feeling like I'm not alone here... Do you have thoughts like this too? Yes I am super positive and I know God has an amazing plan for my life, BUT every single day I have to choose the road to joy. So I wanted to be real with you guys today. I'm gonna lay it all out on the table. You ready?

~

Did you ever eat those sour candys that made your face screw up cos they were so sour, but at the same time you loved them because they were so sweet? We used to have competitions as kids to see who could hold out the longest. It was fun but it actually hurt! And you know what? This is how life can feel sometimes... Bitter sweet. We see one dream happen and we're soooo excited, but then at the same time, we're waiting on another and it's so painful. 

As you know I travel a lot. It is wonderful and I am super thankful, BUT at the same time I live out of a suitcase, I often do washing in the bathroom sink (yes this is me being real peeps) and I keep plastic cutlery in my handbag for eating on the run (eg/ Chobani coconut yoghurt in Dean and Deluca yesterday). So I often struggle with this very real tension of travelling and chasing my big dreams, yet wanting to settle down. 


Dreaming big usually requires living in tension. 
But the tension of an arrow pulled back is what makes it fly.
 

So here's me being real. Last night I walked home from the subway down beautiful W 80th street with tears streaming down my face. I'm in my favourite city in the world, doing what I love, and I'm bawling my eyes out. As much as I know my purpose is to encourage and inspire you to dream big, and I absolutely LOVE it, I have a deeper longing in my heart. I long to have my own family. To be a wife and a mum. Tears of deep sorrow and heartache flowed from the depths of my soul as I cried out to God, confused and sad. {You know those cries where you feel like you're in a movie? Walking along the streets trying not to eyeball anyone, mascara tears running down your cheeks... well that was me}. Even this morning I have woken with a heavy heart. But I need to make a choice.

What do I REALLY believe?

 


It's easy to have faith when things are great. I am the first to admit this. But we all have desires in our hearts that are longing to be fulfilled. So what to do we do with these? What do we do when things are wonderful in one area, but sting so badly in another? We take a deep breath.

 

And we wait on him.
 

I don't have the answers. But he does. And I know he is good. When I've cried so many tears I don't think there's any left, yelling to him "I don't actually know if I BELIEVE that anything can happen right now!!!!!" he doesn't try and snap me out of it and force me to a place of joy, he looks me in the eye and tells me he knows. He understands my pain and he's with me in it. Jesus was a man of many sorrows. He understands pain. Every sorrow you and I will ever face, he's been through it. And he promises he will bring us out. "God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others." (2 Corinthians 1:3)

How beautiful is that. What we face is always a seed to help and comfort others. I don't know what you're going through, but I know he does. He sees all the pain and the waiting, and he's right there with you. And even thinking of you right now I feel hope arising in my heart. :) So wherever you are on this planet, God has a plan grander than you even know. He sees and knows you. He sees every secret desire, he is faithful and he will do it.

 

 

So although even as I am typing this my heart is still stinging, I know his hope is trickling in. I am taking his hand today and asking him for his help. We always think everyone else looks like they know what they are doing in life... don't you think?! Well I am here, hand raised, admitting I don't, and today I choose to trust him with all my heart. I choose to not focus on my own understanding because he has a masterplan and it's better than I could ever imagine. In every area of my life I look to him because I know he is making the path ahead of me straight.

Praying for you too today my friend... that you would sense him taking you by the hand and leading you, whatever season you are in. He who calls us is faithful and he WILL do it. Last night as I lay on the couch, my face wet with tears, I picked up my bible. With nothing left in me, I just sighed and asked him to speak. And this is what I opened to.

"Blessed be the Lord, who has given rest to His people Israel, in accordance with everything that He promised. NOT ONE word has failed of all His good promise, which He spoke through Moses His servant." 1 Kings 8:56


And yep I still believe it.
 
Nat xo

 

{ Image 3 - Pinterest }

 

 





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Comments (8)

  1. Alex Seeley:
    Nov 29, 2015 at 06:53 PM

    I love you sweet girl. His promises are yes and amen and I stand with you today believing for the miraculous and calling those things that aren't yet into existence. Keep up the good fight of faith and in due season you will reap a great reward. Love you friend. Thanks for this vulnerable post. ??

  2. Karla:
    Nov 29, 2015 at 07:03 PM

    Natalie I love you and adore you and appreciate you so very very much!! Your words were like that arrow and they pierced my heart and gave me hope!! Thanks for being faithful and trusting our God... He's speaking to so many hearts through you!! Oxox

  3. Emily:
    Nov 29, 2015 at 08:06 PM

    What a champion you are! I can't wait to here about all your desires being met in his perfect timing!??????

  4. Nat Box:
    Nov 30, 2015 at 03:32 AM

    Al, thank you so much :) I love you and thank you for standing with me. We WILL celebrate soon I know it! Love you forever xoxo :)

  5. Nat Box:
    Nov 30, 2015 at 03:35 AM

    Karla..... YOU have been an inspiration to ME... hello! Thank you for your beautiful words, you are always encouraging and even though we haven't seen each other for almost ten years (!!!) I love how God keeps us connected so beautifully.... Cheering you on always... You are simply amazing. Love Nat xoxo

  6. Nat Box:
    Nov 30, 2015 at 03:37 AM

    Emily thank you for your words... they mean so much :) And thank you for being on this journey with me. I know there is going to be a wonderful end to this story that is going to give God so much glory... So I'm just getting ready :) Much love to you xxx Nat xxx

  7. TransientDrifter :
    Dec 03, 2015 at 01:40 AM

    Oh Nat, I so feel you on this one, and we'll remember many years of having very similar experiences. I pray that God will continue to build up the dreams in your heart and bring them to completion in beautiful ways beyond even your wildest imagining. Big hugs and so much love!

  8. Kellie:
    Dec 04, 2015 at 04:04 PM

    This was an amazing read my friend!!! I love the transparency and I am right there with ya! I know we all have had that walk down the street...or maybe just sitting in my room balling alone lol This was very encouraging to read. Thank you for being so open with us all :) "...He sees every secret desire, he is faithful and he will do it...." That is my favorite reminder. He IS Faithful :D

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